Mirror on the wall

Initially i thought about writing this in a second or the third person account as per the English grammar usage and under the umbrella of the disclaimer and the unaccountability part, but then i thought to hell with it all.So here it will go in the first person account of the scenario.

I crushed the remnants of my deceased smoke and crushed the stub inside the ashtray after having the last kiss of my smoke , it felt like a thirsty person in the desert and under the scorching heat parching his skin and toeing away his mind into the land of the mirages is sucking out the last drop of the water from his can .Another attempt .I lied on the couch and straightened and stretched my legs out , my mind still restless and wandering away . I placed my left hand behind my neck got comfortable on the couch and the pillows for a support and just stared at the wall. At nothingness probably , or may be at the in-finiteness of the particles and waves .My mind was in a Brownian motion , each wave taking a different and unpredictable discourse of its own , and it was difficult in holding on or containing any single thought wave in its exact position. Probably Heisenberg said something of this nature and uncertainty, or was it Einstein ??Any which ways that's perfectly ok . Science seems to be some light years ahead of myself and i don't remember when was the last time i ever took interest in science .I stared at the wall and saw a phallic structure hanging on the wall. Well its an artifact kind of, souvenir kind of piece but i could see nothing but a phallic structure staring back at me , probably it is not the case with the artifact but then i cant seem to be able to connect it with anything else , looks like a man suffering from some problems pertaining to his balls, coz that is something which looks to be extraordinarily big.I don't know for sure what else it looks like , i tried associating it with something else but it was of no avail.

My mind was not sailing slowly and silently and was causing unrest inside my own cells .I got up and lit a smoke and then again lied back on the couch , holding my smoke in my right hand and my left hand behind my back.I just kept staring at the wall and inhaling the sweet smell of burning tobacco leaves.I kept staring at the wall and wondered at the marvels of science and architecture. I stared at the wall and saw three dimensions of the space meeting at the single most point on the corner of the wall . I mean it was wonderful just looking at that point and trying to figure out the dimensions of the space. Probably there are infinite dimensions over there .I dont know from where suddenly the isometric projections started forming images in my mind , those projections , those bush and bearing couplings and other names which i don't even remember now started randomly forming an image of their own in my mind.I just kept seeing those 3 dimensions coming in all shapes and sizes at me from all sides and corner and places inside the cavern of my mind. As a teenager in school i had loved those isometric projections and the drawings and probably loved and read science too . But then i guess after that i somehow lost touch with it all .There was something else which was taking place in my mind insttead of the isometric projections and my mind was going kind of numb with the crests and troughs of the steep W waves inside my mind .

I mean i do understand the sinusoidal nature of waves but here it was something different , it was a series of the W kind of waves in my mind , with steep slopes and uncertain peaks and bottoms and sometimes for a period they were just coexisting with the base of the X axis , and sometimes the slope of these waves were at a right angle to the horizontal and tingling along the Y axis. Different thoughts and different speeds , and there they were gone in a flash , out of focus , blurring the images and slowly bringing in a sense of silence.The room's silence was getting eerie and the mind was getting even more restless.I took out a smoke and switched on the TV , on some channel there was imraan hashmi and on some channel there was Sreedevi , as luck would have it there were no good movies on English movie channels as well so i just started watching a channel that was airing some TV Shopping on it and was selling an Intex DVD player with i don't know how many fucking functions for a beggars price of 1999 bucks including the shipping cost .I mean human beings have come a long way , diminishing and compressing so much in so small packets and quarters.My mind is still distorted and disoriented so i just keep sitting on the couch watching the numbing TV shopping channel but my mind ceases to function even after watching that so i just go to the laptop and think about jotting few words down , but my fingers feel too heavy and tired and it takes me a herculean effort to punch in the keys and the randomness of the Brownian movement inside my mind isn't helping it either, there is so much and yet it all just vanishes away getting under the cloak of invisibility of my opaque mind ,nothing is working as of now , neither my brain is functioning nor is my body supporting itself,they just feel too tired and drained out of every single bit of what ever they had.My mind is under futile exercise regime and i know this is of no use so i just download a song from the net and play it in the windows media player in the repeat mode , light a smoke and lie on the bed , there is a soothing silence and a melody of creation kissing sweetly in my ears , a blue haze for a smoke surrounding myself with a glow of blue light from a distant corner of the room .And in a while am asleep , sailing away slowly , as a fish in the sea , trying to swim away to some far away shore in some place far away , too far away , and its bliss right now .

While i sleep , the sound of Lou Reed's Perfect Day coming from the speakers, and air as a medium , kiss softly on my ears and gently caress my mind into silence , and then i don't remember anything after that , just a faint light glowing somewhere as a stationary wave in some remote location of my mind is what i can feel .

Just A Passing Thought - 14

This world is clearly and yet in a very absurd manner is divided and demarcated very easily ,into two kinds of people ,One who keep a spare condom in their wallet and others who don't.

Me Bombaykar Boltoy

When I first came to this city and threw my luggage from the second class compartment of the howrah kurla mail and lit my first smoke along with the hearty sips from my cup of cutting Chai on the platform of the LT terminus at kurla ,i knew i was gonna fall in love indeed, yeah and from that point onwards i fell in love , i fell in love with the Maximum City,i fell in love with Bombay , it was Bombay back then and it has remained Bombay for me ever since then and it will always remain Bombay for me and probably will never become or get rechristened as Mumbai.

I am sorry Mr. R. Thaaak Ray in advance, but for your political furor and opportunist manoeuvrings to claim the position of the king maker and the savior of the torrid souls of the so called Marathi Maanoos and political brohaha ,i am at least not going to be a game for your chutzpah.Now please don't think that i am also trying to get into the dirty games of politics and make a killing out of it just because i also don't have anything to do with my life just like so many other opportunists and aspiring political aspirants and the politicians who do hold an official position in the great democracy of ours , but the stark similarity cant be denied ain't it.

So i dont understand whats all this ruckus about , i mean when there is an opportunity then people should grab it , just like what you are doing keeping in mind the october 13th aint it Mr King Maker and the messiah for the native maanooos of this state.Also i dont understand the drama behind the opposition to the north indian community and the maligned propaganda spreading across to bake your political rotis on the tawa. i mean if there are taxis available in Mumbai and some outsider comes and drives it then whats the heat and issue all about . Is the native maanoooss of the state feels ashamed of himself driving the taxi?I mean there are equal opportunity present over here in this city for everyone who has a courage determination and a definite outlook towards life . And why don't you think about the settlement of slum dwellers, beggars,orphans and the sex workers and their unfortunate children who because of the depravity are sucked into the same trade as their mothers were, what about the illiteracy and unemployment , what about the hygiene and better standard of living.Instead of all these things to be in an actual political agenda and by political agenda i dont mean the pamphlet which is published 20 days in advance prior to the polls but i mean the actual agenda which needs to be actually carried out for a better society and system in place. I am not a politician or a political critic or any body of any significance at all , but i live in a great democracy and i am not shy to raise my voice against what appears to me is nothing but a Judas playing a Jesus in disguise and trying to reap out the political benefits out of it.
I am not here to contemplate about the current state of affairs , but sometimes i feel sad when i miss my old Bombay and the old spirit which the people showed time and again . Now things seem to be a little bit different than what they used to be , I do understand that change is inevitable , but what i am trying to say is that change is heartily welcome but only if its for good rather than to deteriorate the current surroundings of harmony I miss that spirit somehow but it may be temporary i wish and that same old united spirit of love success and peace will be back. But somehow i do miss those starlit nights sitting on the rocks and the pavements of haji ali where prevailed only peace and tranquility all around,those gazes at the scarlet and crimson sky in the evenings spent at Bandra reclaimation sitting inside an old tattered car sipping beer from the cans and smoking the joint and once in a while looking at the couples who were engrossed in their own animal acts and then looking at each other and bursting into laughter watching some perverted stalker trying to take a peek at the love birds , free as a bird soaing high in the sky it was , a feeling of joy and freedom , a feeling of belonging , a feeling of being one with all the maddening crowd , i miss those thundering and thumping sound systems for the beats at Toto's which was once hailed as the ultimate place for attaining the nocturnal nirvana , now the beats are slow , the crowd more hip , and they check even for the eye cards , i mean gimme a break , gimme my old Bombay back .That morning rush at the locals is still there and once in a while i do enjoy the solitary and silent train ride upto the VT station . Yes it is still VT and not CST for me and i guess it wont be for as long as i can see it.
Carter road is NO MORE there , but till date people ask for adress and directions for Carter road itself and not the new name it has got.The Vada pav for a quick grub is still the life saver with a cutting chai at numerous tapris

My point here is what ,i don't know myself, honestly , maybe watching too much of TV and news channel caused a lot of stirrings into my mind which i can not put down on paper in a coherent manner . But somewhere i feel its also the fault of We , the educated youths of India who are self centered and engrossed in their on petty little troublesome and worrisome life that we forget that as a collective entity we also are partly responsible for the uproar of the opportunist hypocrites .I mean though one of my Favorite song of all times is Society in which Eddie Vedder has conveyed across so much in such a slow and mellow voice and music that it can't be put across in words by a mere mortal like me , but still we belong to a collective society , a collective nation, a collective democratic state , and this very own society has given so much To us that paying it back completely is not possible but at least even if we could make a little , even a very little insignificant difference to the society and the system then probably this life could be more satisfying and content and happy.All this regionalism as a crap should go away and pave in the way for a colllective entity and identity as a nation and a true democratic state where misuse of power is minimal , and growth of the nation is of more important rather than growth of any one single particular state.But what lies in future nobody knows but he ......

Anyways this article is not complete as there is so much to write but its very difficult to hold onto the thoughts , they just bloody slip away in a nanosecond from the slate of mind :)
And lastly for Mr R Thaaak Ray, please do remember and make a note out of it if you already haven't done it yet " Jai Hind always comes before Jai Maharashtra" .
with all due apologies ,but you will have to go back in time and change the wordings of this old classic song so that it should be Mumbai and not Bombay but i prefer it to be in its own old glory as it was , can't help you see :).

So Song Njoy Maadi Machchaa llog and all the sharabi bhai log :)

The RAPE Song

Life is long ,
Sing your song ,
Don't wait ,
For the Fate,
You won't even know,
that now its too late.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

Be in trance ,
Sing and Dance ,
Forget the nuance,
Pay your Debts,
But pay in Advance,
As this is your only Chance.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

Move Around ,
But with feet on Ground ,
Think Deep and Fast ,
You have to Last ,
The Breeze of Time ,
Is too Sublime.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

Stationary Frame,
Will poison your Brain,
So Ride the World,
In your own Train ,
Remembered In Glory ,
Will be your Victory ,
So Take pen in your hand ,
And write your own History.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

So come on all you lovers of the life ,
There ain't no time left for the strife.

obituary

And that's what he said , in the silent melancholy of the dark closed ill ventilated room. we will meet again , some day , wont we pandey??
yeah we will for sure , some day , we will , and at that time the air will be clean and the grass will be green and the woods will be brown and woods again , and the sky will bear a different shade of blue and the chirping of birds will once again be nice and mellow to hear to, when the water will be ice cold and blue and then my dear , we will meet again and we will for sure , coz this life is short and this life is uncertain , one day we are breathing and alive and the very next moment we are dead , very fucking dead man and that's all that's there to it , ain't it.brother??

yup it is bro and now we go and part our ways coz life is too fucking short isn't it man ...short short short .........

rest and rust in peace ........peace .....peace ........


and we will all join you sooner or later .....

Just a Passing Thought 13

The more you read , the more confused you get.So its better to just stop reading , and instead start studying like a dedicated student of the discipline known as life .

The Entangled Lives 7

There was a silent click of the key turning into the interlock and then a figure silently opened the door and walked inside the room.The room was dark and the windows were closed and draped ,the omnipresent typical odor was there in the surrounding as usual .The voice from the room inside said "Is that you chatterbug "?
In the inside room a figure similar to a human carcass with long and unkempt hairs and beard was lying on the floor ,rolling the joint and fidgeting around with the song list on his comp and in between sipping the beer directly from the bottle.He didn't even bothered to look up as if he was too sure but yet unaware about the presence of the other soul.
"How the fuck in the world you knew it was me you howdie ??Do you have some sixth sense or something?" Chatterbug said this and sat on the mattress on the floor and lit a smoke and took a deep drag from it."And whats fucking wrong with you man , i mean its 2 o clock in the after noon and you are already blown out of proportion in your full insane glory " saying this chatterbug moved his hands towards the bottle of the bear and grabbed it.
"its all logical man " said the figure nonchalantly , removing half of the filter from the joint , for the smooth flow of the blue haze and passed on that joint with half a filter to chatterbug who was enjoying the bottle of beer.
"And whats logical Mr Einstein, would you care to explain this statement of yours"
"see man apart from me only you have the key to my apartment , so when i heard the click i knew it was you " and then Darveshi burst into his typical insane laughter.
After a while they both were lying on the floor staring at the ceiling with 7 bottles of beer lying around them on the floor.suddenly chatterbug said "lets go to some place man , its kinda creepy over here and i need some fresh air boss "
"fine man , lets go to a place where there is no land left to be conquered and there is only a vast infinite body of water ahead of us "
"so you want to go the place where land ends is it ?"
and after a while they both were sitting in the car near the bandra reclamation area.
"You know why i like this place ?"
"ya i know very well , because you can see the animal side of the human behaviour over here darveshi , people sitting under the open sky and giving away to their carnal lustful desires man "
"no man thats a different factor all together itself , see what i like here is cops are never gonna bother us over here ,no matter what we do , see they are looking out for perverted souls over here and i guess we dont belong to that league do we " darveshi said this and he kept on rolling the joint and sipping beer from the can inside the car. the music playing inside the car was heavy fuel and darveshi rolled the joint and passed it on to chatterbug who was fidgeting around wi


"

It could have been

It Could have been , something else ,
something beautiful and sacred ,
but now its haunted , like an old mansion ,
ajar doors , creepy windows , wild rats.

It Could have been , something else ,
and you chose , and you chose a different dream ,
and now the chains , hold you back ,
ripped flesh , nausea , dripping blood .

It Could have been , something else ,
tantrums so wicked ,smile so promiscuous,
swift glance , and bowled over by charm ,
fast paced , changing times , thin red line.

It Could have been , something else ,
dark dungeons , silent sighs , mournful delights,
stripped soul , bare and barren moments,
all around a desperate measure , to cling onto.

It Could have been , something else ,
and you ran , fast , like a prey hunted,
wild chase , tripping and tumbling ,
only to find , solace unbound and unaccounted for.

It Could have been , something else ,
beautiful and yet sublime , silent sighs again ,
craving for more , and more , thirsty soul,
wise and wishful thinking , pounding heartbeats.

It Could have been , something else ,
glittering pebbles , rain drops , and sunshine,
crests and troughs , beautiful embrace ,
and hopping around , in the backyard , free.

It Could have been , something else ,
dirt and dust , in the backyard of the barn,
ego satisfaction , sadistic pleasures ,
moment of glorious joy , and cracking of ribs.

It Could have been , something else ,
sacred and pure , free of poison ,
rose buds , without a thorn , bright red ,
gushing winds, through the windows , haunted house.

It Could have been , something else ,
moist lips , deep breath , sail away ,
circle of life , moment of truth ,stochastic ,
vast fields , dry , and a haunted old mansion ,
ajar doors , creepy windows , wild rats.

It Could have been , something else ,
and what that could have been , is immaterial ,
truth and lies , life , oh beautiful life ,
clothed in the satire and attire of uncertainties.


and now i must bring my pen to rest and rust ,
coz it could have been , something else .

Relax for a While :)

I am a man of habits , but then everyone else is as well . If you practice a thing for long it becomes a habit . Neways with my own little luxuries of life , there has been a habit of mine which in all ways is kind of a luxury to me and i have been into it for just sooooo long.i mean imagine his hands running through your head , giving sensation to every nerve ending , oil dripping from your forehead and then he runs his hard hands on the backside of your shoulders , twisting every muscle of your body , relaxing it and bringing it to a restart phase, with soft music and mellow voices of people echoing in your ear from faraway places.This is a small luxurious habit of mine , a visit to my barber shop with my overgrown stub for a beard ,a heavy head ,most probably on couple of joints , and a body depleted , longing for those moments of freedom from everything else and to just enjoy and seek the soulful silence and peace of the moment in all its tranquility . If anything else could be closer to heaven then probably a visit to your barber is a stiff competition to it . I mean its like having a mental orgasm without having a physical one , where all your senses are unified with you and you become one with yourown soul , though momentarily so , but still the unification is there . You leave your garbage of mental burdens outside the shop before you sit on his chair , no thoughts , no dreams , no failures for an ambition , no love , no hatred, no regrets whatsoever , its just a pure bliss .
Probably one of the only few good habits that i had is nothing but this
And like a faithful and humble lover , you are always loyal to your barber . I mean you dont change your barber shop other than for reasons which are life threatening , its the same shop and place where you go again and again and again , to soothe yourself, to relax, to calm your heavy soul for a while.And while he pulls your hair from roots you imagine things and come up with some lines like this ....

Heavy in your heart,
heavy in your head ,
heavy in your life ,
or may be heavy when you are dead,
Lie down , breathe, relax for a while .

Heavy in your view ,
heavy in your vision ,
heavy in your logic ,
or may be heavy in your reason,
Lie down , breathe, relax for a while .

Heavy in your breath ,
heavy in your mind so calm,
heavy in your senses,
or may be heavy in your charm,
Lie down , breathe, relax for a while .

Heavy in your beauty disguised ,
heavy in your deafening voice,
heavy in your subtle manners ,
or may be heavy in your silent noise,
Lie down , breathe, relax for a while .

Heavy in your joyous ride of life ,
heavy in your crumpled funeral pyre,
heavy in your moments unperturbed,
or may be heavy in your all desires,
Lie down , breathe, relax for a while .

Ahhh the pure bliss is gone , just like a fleeting moment , only to come back again in next few weeks or so , but it will come for sure just like it had been there since last so many years .....

And this was the song which was being played as the background score :)








PS --> Dont get wrong ideas in your mind if i have written about my visit to my hajjam, i am still perfectly straight and not a pervert at all lols

Just A Passing Thought 12

When i die , i am sure i will go to heaven , not because i am a noble soul but because i have served my time in hell.

Heaven and hell are the metaphoric ideas to please and justify the human cause and action.

Slumdog Fiasco

"Saala Jalte Tawe pe har koi apni roti sekta hai bhen####"
Well well i give a damn about the language i use but this was the only phrase which came to my mind when i saw a couple of clippings of the yesterdays oscars and the achievement and feat that slumdog millionaire scored at the Oscars.The movie has proved its worth and had shut mouths of all the critics who were contemplating about the scenes and the real India shown in the movie.All those big stars and authors and politicians and protectors of the moral rights for poor and hungry indians are now going ga ga over the success of the movie at the ultimate landmark of judgement of the movies ,ie The Oscars.

But i donot understand why do we have to go gloating over the success at the Oscars , barring the efforts from the Legendary AR Rehman and the Legendary Gulzaar Saab , that is to say barring the music of the movie what was so typical in terms of Indian cinema about the movie that the whole media and other high profiled players are so happy about?Only that it was shot in India and depicted the real life in Indian Context , call it as Mumbai context?The movie wasnt even released in Inida untill it achieved a global success and the awards at the golden globe and then later onto the Baftas.And they were the same people who were crying about their whims and fancies and had objections when the movie was released over here in India.

Let me ask one thing to all these so called pseudo intellects that are they even aware about Danny Boyle , the real man behind the success of the movie ??Are they aware about Irvene Welsh or for this matter of fact lets say Vikas swaroop ??And i already know the answer will be no no for all these questions , but now since Danny and his movie has proven its worth people are gloating all over about the success and the greatness of the movie and calling it as India's moment of glory.

Fucking phonies , i simply put it that way as nothing else can express my frustration about the way this society and the so called pseudo intellects work and behave.Today after its success at the Oscars i hear from the same people about how the movie is so great and blah blah , while their initial reaction was huh huh its an ok kinda movie and it depicts India in derogatory manner .

My ass i will say to all of them, thats the real India which is depicted in the movie .Come out of your cozy chairs and cars and homes and take a stroll on the streets and you will see what the movie was trying to depict.My friend with whom i was watching the movie in the theatre asked me what do i think about the movie and i told him that this one is gonna fetch some oscars for sure and that the only thing which contradicts my belief system is that that the movie had a happy ending , but then i understood why the happy ending was necessory for it as well , as it comands a strong belief on the concept of hope and suffering of the poor tormented souls and try to offer them a ray of hope that one day they also can come out of their miseries and can achieve what Jamal achieved in the movie despite being the Slumdog or the underdog.Its about chasing your dreams and the final reward is not tears but happiness.
But the pseudo intellects and the protectors of the poor people out here wont understand these essential basics of life as they are too busy to walk out on the streets and go to the filthy areas.For them the poshest areas of South Mumbai is the real India , for them the real India is among the five star hotels and retaurants, for them the real life is sitting inside an air conditioned car while the people sweat out their blood to earn a loaf of bread.Take a walk out in the areas where people dont even have the basic amenities of life , go to the areas where you can see loads and loads of people sitting in the open spaces and shitting.Do you even realize what kind of life they have to live when everyday you have to bare your ass in front of 50 odd other people.Probably no because they havent been there and they havent seen those dingy lanes of life , they were too busy living in their zone of comfort.
And now they will all bake their political and influential chapatis as well over the success of the movie .Initially they demand ban and later they adore.Well probably thats the way the society works ,they can even lick you up at your moment of success and glory and within no time they can discard you like a used toilet paper and can throw you in the dustbin.
But one thing is for sure am happy for the movies triumph , and more so on the stark reality it depicted about life out there .And ofcourse for Rehman i dont even have to say anything but just "Jai Ho ".

PS:- Andy Dufrene is still crawling through the tunnel of shit and trying to come clean on the other side , the other side of the pacific ,where the water is a clear blue :)

I thought One Day ....

i thought one day of becoming a bum ,
and realized, that i already am one.
i thought one day to run far away ,
and realized ,there aint no other ways.
i thought one day of raising hell,
and realized ,i already did that as well.
i thought one day about the meaning of life,
and realized, everything ends with a strife.
i thought one day to let it all go,
and realized, you cant part with your own shadow.
i thought one day to chase away the sun,
and realized, repurcusions are serious burns.
i thought one day about the morning mist,
and realized , it too fades away in its jist.
i thought one day about the stars in the sky,
and realized ,that place is too far away to fly.
i thought one day about the truth and the lies,
and realized ,difference between smiles and cries.
i thought one day to kill all my hearts desires,
and realized ,it happens only on funeral pyre.
i thought one day about the silence and the noise ,
and realized, for every virtue there is a vice.
i thought one day how much time has gone by,
and realized, it aint yet time to say good bye.
i thought one day about the birds flying above,
and realized, they were a pair of white dove.
i thought one day of becoming a bum,
and realized, i already am one.

I thought one day about the God,
and realized, ......

Just a Passing Thought 10

One of the most difficult things to learn in life is , that one should learn to say "NO".

Just a passing Thought 9

The voice of the free will spoke from a faraway distant space "So have you got something more for me ,I would say Bring It On Baibey ".

Just a Passing thought 8

The Quality of a cigarette is judged by its residual ashes , a stark similarity, though in contrast with the life of an individual.